project identity

I was in class the other day and I was reminded of a truth that I think stretches itself across all of our lives. There was this student who was always asking questions or making comments using really big words. I realized that when he asked a question it wasn't for the purpose of getting an answer, but it was so everybody else could hear him speak. He wanted to sound intelligent. He somehow found approval for himself in being smart in front of his peers. Most of us look upon this type of behavior with disgust, because we see in it someone wrapped up in themselves.

But the reality is we all do it. We all have these things that we do in order to feel better about ourselves, in order to find our approval. Some people become artists so that others can wonder at their artistic ability and creativity. Others become mathematicians because they can pat themselves on the back or impress their friends after solving extremely difficult problems. Some even become religious because they are quite capable of self-discipline and morality, the outward signs of religious conviction. I realize in my own life that I get my kicks from showing off in sports or when somebody gives me a compliment about this blog. We all find ourselves to some extant seeking the approval of human beings all around us.

I think this is why the message of Jesus is so intoxicating. He came down amongst a bunch of ragamuffins and told them that he loved them just as they are. They didn't need to do any tricks or solve any problems. This brought about the response of people pledging their lives to Him. People so swept away by the love of Jesus that they were defined by it. If someone were to have asked Mary Magdalene who she was she would probably have said, " A beloved daughter of Jesus." And they wouldn't just be words, they would be truth, it was in His eyes that she found value, it was in His eyes that she found life.

It is a question of identity. We are quite cavalier about throwing around our faith, but my question is do we really base our identity in it? For me to say that I am a Christian is a fairly severe statement. In it I am saying that above all else my identity is found in Christ. But is it really?

Is the young man from my class first and foremost a Christian, or is he first and foremost a scholar seeking the scholarly approval of his peers?

Brennan Manning put it like this, "My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and have done nothing to earn it or deserve it."

What is my deepest awareness? What is your?

Chris Farley

The show has ended, the applause fades away and as the theatre empties you realize that it will never be enough.
Fight the tears back. Let your concious drift onto the next performance when your loyal fans return.
Just imagine how impressed they will be by you.
But whatever you do, don't ever, ever exist in the right now, the lonely.

Chris Farley with nobody watching.



explanation: I wrote this poem this summer in Europe. Often in my life i get my kicks from being able to entertain others. After a while though I start depending on these feelings. I can begin to base my identity in them. That's when you come to the point of having to always be entertaining, looking for the next moment to be funny. And when nobody else is around, what do you do?